Fighting my fears ...

Maybe you feel it too. A looming sense of judgment. A foreboding sense of doom. Nothing generates this more than religion. Nothing could be farther from the heart of God towards us.

Fear mongers have been using the furor of God to control the thoughts and feelings of the faithful since the beginning of time. It produces conformity. It generates revenue. It creates an insatiable need for assurance, so people keep coming back for more. And keep leaving with less.

What if God actually loves us?

What if God’s love, not his anger, judgment, and condemnation are the bottom line?

What if, at the end of the day, after we strip away all the other attributes of God, all that's left is God’s love for us?

That changes everything for me.

I used to think the antidote for fear was courage, but I’ve realized that courage only fights against my fears. It doesn't take them away. Only love take fear out of the picture.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. (1 John 4.18)

When I start living in the fearless flow of God's love, I start to breathe. Instead of shutting things down for fear of pissing God off, I start to see the possibilities. I stop thinking about the impossibilities. The road ahead becomes clearer, wider, more open. Life moves forward. Momentum builds. Things start happening. Clarity. Change. Freedom.

The Lord disciplines those whom he loves, and chastises every child whom he accepts. (Hebrews 12.6)

I don't always get it right. I often get it wrong. Clearly there are times when I need to make changes in my life. The love of God should make it easier for me to accept these changes. If I know God loves me, the battle between maintaining my sense of self respect vs. appeasing an angry deity should be over.

But it's not that simple. When God begins stripping away the detritus in my life, it causes disorientation. It's unsettling. It's uncomfortable. People don't understand. It looks messy, wrong, ungodly, even unbiblical. And here's where the ultimate battle between fear and love is played out. When God takes away the things I no longer need, will I start thinking God no longer loves me? When things in my life begin to disappear, will I start wondering if God has turned against me? Will I go forward into the unknown, or go back to the old and familiar to avoid the inner turmoil?

Jesus said that God removes every branch that bears no fruit, and in the same breath said every branch that bears fruit God prunes to make it bear more fruit (John 15.2). What makes this tricky is that both the fruitless and fruitful branches experience a cutting away. When God cuts away what is no longer needed in our lives we may wonder at the moment he cuts if he is discarding us -- throwing us out because we're no longer useful. Has he condemned us? Has he held our sins against us?

Even in this act of divine love, the fear creeps in.

I overthink everything. Music helps me get out of my head and get into the groove. I'll always be grateful for a South Dakota college DJ who handed me a tape during my second year of grad studies and told me to check it out. It was one of the toughest years of my life, but that recording helped me see that year as a step forward instead of a step back. Everything I needed to know in seminary, I learned from Rick Elias and the Confessions. For what it's worth (and for everything it's worth) ...

• The Word Is Love
• Stripped
• Stones