Wanted: one punk and two stolen guitars

As the host of the GodTalk Radio Show on CJOB 68, I have an opportunity to reach a large audience on the air and on the web. On last night's radio show, I did something most preachers never do: I put out a $500 bounty on the thief who stole my guitars last week (see picture on the left).

The Gibson Les Paul and Heritage 535 were expensive guitars. They had sentimental value that is worth much more than dollars and cents. But the real reason I put out the bounty is that I can't sit back and do nothing. I can't put all the onus on the police to solve society's problems single-handedly. The Winnipeg Police Service is handling the forensic side of things. I'm focusing my efforts on reinforcing good citizenship and bringing perps and punks to justice. THAT'S what my bounty is really all about.

Some people think I've got it all wrong. They think I should be more forgiving and less materialistic. They think I should focus less on putting criminals behind bars and more on doing something about the social problems that lead to crime. They think I should do what Jesus would do.

For the record: Jesus wasn't a limp noodle or a wet blanket. He called it as he saw it. He offered truth to the deluded. He offered grace to the downhearted. I offer the same.

And I'm offering $500 to the person who turns the thief into the police and helps me get my guitars back in safe condition. I promise: I'll visit him in jail.

If you have any information leading to the solution of this crime, please contact Constable Machado at 986-8111 or dmachado@winnipeg.ca.

Praying for Winnipeg ... one kilometer at a time

Last night, I embarked on a shopping adventure. I went looking for shoes. Because I didn’t leave the house till 10 p.m., I severely limited my choice of stores to Wal-Mart and the other Wal-Mart. At first, I thought this was going to work for me. I found shoes I liked at Wal-Mart #1, but they didn’t have any size 10’s. So I headed over to Wal-Mart #2, where I found my size, but the magic was gone. I didn’t like the shoes anymore.

Wal-Mart #2 was closing, so I went back to Wal-Mart #1 (open 24 hours) to see if I could find a better set of shoes. It just wasn’t happening, so I decided to cut my losses and do something else. (A 24-hour Wal-Mart is no place to spend a Friday night.)

I felt like a road trip.

Whenever I go looking for adventure, I drive west. I don’t know where I’m going. I just keep driving till I find what I’m looking for. So I wheeled onto Portage Avenue, plugged in the iPod, and headed toward the edge of the city. As I passed the streets and buildings where my family and friends live and work, I began to pray.

By the time I approached the perimeter, I had a vision: I would circle the city in prayer. When I hit the perimeter highway, I veered north and began my 82.3 kilometer road trip around Winnipeg. In the darkness I passed from one corner of the city to the next, praying for people the Scriptures describe as widows and orphans, foreigners, and the poor. I prayed for the sick, the homeless, and for people going through tough times. I prayed for my family and friends. I prayed for the people that listen to our radio show on Sunday nights. I prayed for all the people of Winnipeg, and I prayed that somehow these prayers would make a difference in ways I’d never know.

I’ve driven the perimeter highway my whole life, but when I got home last night I felt like I’d been on a road I’d never travelled before. I hope to travel that road again. If you see someone in a black Pontiac racing round the perimeter in the dark on a Friday night, honk: the Rock ‘n’ Roll Preacher is praying for you.

Tune in to the GodTalk Radio Show on CJOB 68 (www.cjob.com) on Sunday night from 9-11. I'm going to talk about my road trip religious experience. We're taking your calls at 780-6868 / 1-800-665-2202.

Winnipeg morning show host announces his conversion ...

Some people won't be surprised. Many saw it coming. But for those who haven't been following the local news, today the announcement was official. Larry Updike, the host of CJOB's Morning Show, has undergone a personal conversion experience. The Easter season is noted for baptisms and confirmations, and Updike joins countless tens of thousands of souls around the world who are rediscovering religion.

In a limited press release on Facebook, Larry Updike (now also known as The Apostle) told his friends and family that he had converted ... from PC to Mac. The Apostle purchased a 20" iMac on April 11 from a local, independent electronics store. He admitted that he finds the conversion experience daunting, but is relying on friends to support him in his newfound faith.

For more information, contact The Apostle at lupdike@cjob.com. Further announcements are expected on the Monday edition of the Morning Show on CJOB.

A postmodern pilgrim takes the pulpit ...

Today, most people know Larry Updike as the host of CJOB's morning show. He's also been a rock jock, a philosophy scholar, and ... a preacher. Larry preached his last sermon in 1981, but returned to the pulpit today at Central Baptist Church. Feel free to download his message or listen online:

This Boat Won't Be Going Under.

Every story needs a story-teller and John Longhurst did a great job telling Larry's story in today's Winnipeg Free Press. Larry has also written an autobiography -- a fascinating read, but not yet published.

The birth of a rock 'n' roll preacher ...

I recently shot a promo video for Family Life Network. It tells you a little bit about my faith journey and how I got the name Rock 'n' Roll Preacher. I'm still grateful for the day I walked into a Joe English concert with a lot of questions and walked out with a newfound sense of joy and peace. It was a beginning.

Taxation without representation ...

I pay my taxes online. Why do I have to vote in person?

For the record, I marched my patriotic self down to the local school today to cast my vote. There, I encountered one of the last vestiges of the pre-computer age: the Canadian polling station.

As I walked into the gymnasium, I was greeted by a friendly representative of Elections Canada who asked to see my voter information card. And that's when the trouble began. He looked at my card, grimaced, and informed me that I'd have to wait in a long line to cast my vote. I was surprised by the news, as there were three polling stations in the gymnasium and two of the stations were completely inactive. Not a soul waiting in line. Nada.

However, the gods had deigned that I be assigned to polling station #43, which indeed had a long line of voters waiting to cast their ballots. At first I thought to myself, "This should go quick. How long can it take for these people to cast their votes?" And this is when I came face to face with the marvelously multi-dimensional inefficiencies awaiting the Canadian voter.

The cardboard polling stations are bad enough: a complete waste of paper.

The paper ballots add impractical to wasteful. The clerk at my polling station had so much difficulty finding and tearing the perfs that he mistakenly opened the ballot and exposed the vote.

The pre-printed voter information cards seem like a good idea, but their advantage is defeated by poor execution. The problem? Too many people have information cards that don't match their photo ID. This particular misfortune grinds the process to a halt: no one in line can vote till the person with the defective ID sufficiently demonstrates their identity (i.e., fills out the paperwork).

And so, on election day, in my quaint little neighbourhood, I found myself slowed by tedious paper ballots, stymied by line-halting paperwork, and staring at two empty polling stations across the gymnasium. And I asked myself ...

• Why don't we have voting machines instead of convoluted paper ballots and cardboard ballot boxes?


• Why isn't there a side table or separate line for people to prove their identity?


• Why are there long lines at some polling stations and no lines at others?

and, most of all ...

Why am I here in the first place?

If I can pay my taxes online, why can't I vote online? As far as my online personhood is concerned, it's taxation without representation! Maybe it's time for an online Boston Tea Party!

I don't think I'm alone in my complaint. Check the stats. No one is surprised by the outcome of the Canadian federal election. The real news item in Election 2008 is the voter-turnout stat: the lowest-ever at 59%. (The prairies take the title for lowest turnout in Canada at 55%.)

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On another note ...

I'm sad to report that Hard Rubber didn't win the CBC Anthem Challenge. Still, I'm glad I did my best to give Canadians a new hockey anthem. My thanks to the boys in the band and a special note of appreciation to Winnipeg's #1 morning show host, Larry Updike, who featured the anthem on his show.

Maybe I'll shop Hard Rubber around to another sports program?!?